Tag Archives: book buying

At Last: A 12-Step Program for Book Addicts!

<b>Book addiction is epidemic - and we couldn't be happier!</b>From the Unrepentant Book Addicts Anonymous (UBAA) manual:
(with apologies to AA members everywhere)

Step 1: Admit that other people may have a problem with your lust for books, but they should just get over it.
Step 2: Accept that no Power in the Universe is great enough to keep you from buying more books.
Step 3: Make a conscious decision to turn all your money over to nice indy bookstores with great selection, even when Amazon is cheaper.
Step 4: Make daily inventories of your bookshelves and keep track of who borrowed what. Then go after them.
Step 5: Admit that you don’t know the exact amount you’ve spent on books lately, but who cares? They’re books, for Pete’s sake–not crystal meth.
Step 6: Recognize that God is the Prime Author, and all books belong to God. Therefore, when you reduce your consumption, you reduce God’s royalties–which is an unforgivable Sin.
Step 7: Remember that God has made book-buying a mitzvah, which means your place in Heaven’s Library is assured.
Step 8: You have tried to make a list of all the people you’ve harmed by buying books, but guess what? There just aren’t any.
Step 9: For those who think they’ve been harmed by your addiction, make amends by giving them great book recommendations.
Step 10: Continue to take inventory and admit when you find one or two books that may not be worth keeping, like Where’s Waldo for Dummies.
Step 11: Improve your conscious contact with literature’s Highest Powers (Stephen King, George Eliot, Barbara Kingsolver, whoever) by buying everything they write.
Step 12: Remember that the great awakening is coming! Ask not what owning so many books will do for you. Ask what all those Kindles will do for other people–when the power goes out.

Leave a Comment

Filed under Books, Commentary, Satire